This was from a psychic and what she picked up on the photos shortly after Mom's death.
Hi about your mum.
Did she have a terrible life with her father. I sensed terrible trauma which caused her emotional distance and making herself small inside of herself.
I do believe her suicide was assisted but from kindness rather than cruelty.
She asked this long before and was not afraid of death.
She saw what the other side felt like through her own experiences when she was alive.
I keep seeing her in a red ball room dress and she is dancing. She has a long cigarette in her hand.
I would assume her lungs didn't work well towards the end of her life as they feel heavy to me.
She finally has peace and she's dancing.
Love her gorgeous hair.
When she thinks of you she is getting a headache because of her guilt towards you and she punished herself a lot.
Lots of tears and she wishes she could have been more.
She is now Happy and free and wishes only that she can depart this feeling for you so you have something wonderful to hold onto in your life and don't
She was tough but could not deal with a lot of emotions as her own were so heavy.
My head sure hurts a lot.
Funny but she looks more like an adult cartoon character that is stunning.
She loves the dream she has created now.
I hope this helps you.
I thank you so very much!!! "My way" is I have need to analyze your reading piece by piece and take all I can from it, and this is what I come up with.
I am sorry it is so long, but I want you to know how very very much that you have helped and how accurately you have picked things up.
I cannot thank you enough.
My Mom was not just my Mom, She was also my Best Friend, and Confident as she called it in my life.
Actualy my only Best Friend.
We could talk about anything and everything whether taboo or not.
I miss her horribly...
(Did she have a terrible life with her father)
Her biological father she only seen a couple of times from birth on, he was an alcoholic and died of cirosis of the liver.
When she was born and he saw her the 1st time his remark was "She is a beautiful baby, but I hope she dies".
She saw him once from a distance as a child, and she had a photo of him in a casket.
So I can see where going somewhere that he is now and I'm sure meeting him could have brought this up.
She had a few "step dads", but she said she never would call them Dad because that when she did they would always end up leaving.
Later she ended up with her "Dad" and much love in the relationship.
He is the one mentioned in the deer story.
After his death she changed her last name to his.
(I sensed terrible trauma which caused her emotional distance and making herself small inside of herself.)
Mom was a go-getter, not afraid to take on a challenge, proud and strong.
She was pregnant with me at 16, got married, and had many hard times.
She took her GED when I was 17 yrs. old and won a scholarship with the good grades.
Went to college, but this did not go over well with my father and they divorced with many problems.
She got her degree, worked in law enforcement, the crime lab, forensics, etc.
I was very proud of her.
Then came a bad wreck, and she was never the same.
She left her work to come home and take care of my Grandma who had became in bad shape.
This changed her world.
She had remarried to a truck driver, and there were problems which finally ended in a divorce.
She started doing contract sewing in a little bldg. beside my Grandma's house by herself.
This ended up as usual with Mom growing, expanding, and turning into a factory with 35 or so employees.
She hired especially the single mom's, welfare people, etc. she wanted to help and make a difference for someone.
She was on cloud nine and all was going well.
She would never let Grandma be alone, and when had to be gone would hire someone to stay with her.
Then the factory slowly fell apart, and this was a huge tramatic ordeal for her.
Then my Grandma died.
This took away my mom's pride and purpose, and she was really alone for the first time in life, broke, and her health totally fell apart.
She dealt with constant chronic pain, depression, financial problems, loneliness, and more.
I KNOW this made her feel (small inside of herself and was huge trauma)
From here on it seemed there were always more bad days than good, and she lost her pride and strength.
(I do believe her suicide was assisted but from kindness rather than cruelty)
Mom and I had always talked about EVERYTHING, even this.
We had both promised each other more than once, that if things got bad enough for the other that we would help.
But this definitely was not the case at this time, UNLESS I consider it as this, and this one hurts me horribly...
The night before Mom had called me and was drinking wine and well was slurring her words etc.
She didn't drink but maybe 1 drink very very seldom, and was definitely on wayyyy too many medications to do that and her reasons were because of depression etc.
I guess it also scared me because I know how bad her life had become and that she did have suicidal tendencies and talked about them several
times to me, so I lectured her a bit.
I went to Mom's that next morning, she was upset and well it was one of those times that "you just couldn't talk to her because you couldn't say anything at all right".
The conversation of the wine and medication was immediately brought up and she ran, grabbed a bottle of pain pills and threw them at me with them landing all over the floor.
I said "Mom, I'm not gonna fight with you, I love you, but we're not getting anywhere with this and I think it would be best if I left for awhile
and we both cooled off, and that I would be back in a bit and we'll go fishing and have a nice time despite".
She came unglued on me, shoved me back onto the couch and yelled that I wasn't going anywhere. I made the MISTAKE of leaving.....
When I came back about an hour later, I was right at her house and she called me on her cell phone and she said "I love you, it's not your fault, but I am calling to tell you good-bye, that she was going to see her Mom & Dad".
You can imagine I suppose from there.
The police were immediately called, the searching, the 13 days.
Total hell, and my last moments with my Mom who I loved so dearly having been a fight...
I did get to talk to her on the cell phone off and on for 8 hrs.
I am not sure if she had went into a coma or if the phone went dead.
But I thank her and God for those calls.
But maybe in some way it was assisted?
I actually did leave in kindness because I wanted things to calm down, but then if I hadn't of left perhaps this wouldn't have happened either, at least not at this time...
(She asked this long before and was not afraid of death)
For the past several years she had mentioned this off and on to me.
I would always try to cheer her and build her back up.
But the constant pain, her big handfulls of pills all thru each day.
I have sat with her crying many times from the pain, and most mornings it would take her the pills and about 2 hours before she could really function.
I only yesterday going thru papers found a different good-bye letter she had written me in Feb. 2009 and this actually happened on Oct. 2008, 8 months later.
I truly don't believe she was afraid of death because she was a firm believer that our souls are only energy, and that energy can never go away but only change form, and also the "Story".
Besides she was still very strong inside her head.
(She saw what the other side felt like through her own experiences when she was alive)
I definitely see this as the "Story" with my Grandma and Grandpa and which she believed in with all of her heart.
(I keep seeing her in a red ball room dress and she is dancing. She has a long cigarette in her hand. I would assume her lungs didn't work well towards the end of her life as they feel heavy to me. She finally has peace and she's dancing. Love her gorgeous hair)
This makes me smile, as though I cannot hardly imagine a ballroom, I can for sure see the dancing!
But then I could really see her very much liking the idea of really dressing up and going out, and yes probably the ballroom as she in this life would of never had the chance to do something of the such.
And of course yes she smoked and too much, very addicted and yes her lungs were not the best at all, lots of coughing.
But I do love the idea of this picture in my mind!
(When she thinks of you she is getting a headache because of her guilt towards you and she punished herself a lot. Lots of tears and she wishes she could have been more. She is now Happy and free and wishes only that she can depart this feeling for you so you have something wonderful to hold onto in your life and don't give up)
I worry about this very very much and feel guilty myself, because if she sees and knows me now and what I went thru and still am, I know she would be hurting because of me.
God I don't want her to hurt and I wish she could not see or feel me at all...
My life is very clouded it seems.
I did even contemplate the suicide myself on a particularly bad day, but decided I had kids and grandkids that still needed my help here and that my job wasn't done.
I do try to hold onto the good in life and of her, but as said the memories are clouded with the sadness of the whole, and the guilt of leaving that day and also of not being able to find her.
I have a deep inner fear that my feelings may be holding her back on her journey and pray that they aren't.
I am not sure how I can control them though.
Also, on each of the letters she had written it is mentioned that "I wish I could have been more".
With the headaches, they are mentioned more than once in the letters, here is a copy of one:
Just a little note to let you know how much I love you and how much I am gonna miss you but I will be watching just the same if that is possible.
I love you lots but just can't take the pain, loneliness, and depression any longer.
I am tired!!
I am sooooo tired of being in pain, being lonely, being always in the way or at least that is the way I feel.
I know that isn't true most of the time but a lot of the time it is.
You have such a full life and I hope that you have a good one from here on until it is your time to go.
I know you won't approve of what I am doing but for me it is the best choice I can make, and don't think I haven't thought it thru because I have.
I have spent so much time thinking about it that it gave me a lot of headaches...
Just remember I love you with all my heart and that you were always there for me even when it wasn't convenient for you and that I knew it even if I didn't always say it.
(She was tough but could not deal with a lot of emotions as her own were so heavy. My head sure hurts a lot.)
She was tough!
But you are so right, it was getting to the point where I hated to bother her with my problems anymore as she had so many of her own.
As the letter describes.
(Funny but she looks more like an adult cartoon character that is stunning. She loves the dream she has created now)
? But well that sounds amusing. I am very happy to hear that she "loves the dream" though.
I want her so badly to be in a happy, joyful, peace and contentment and without the pain.
(I hope this helps you. Blessings)
You have given me something more special than you could know with this.
I cannot thank you enough.
I am sorry that this reply is so very long but I wanted to let you know how very accurate you are in your reading, and how totally amazing.
Maybe I needed to vent to or something also with so much left unsaid or done to think of all the time.
But this is what I came up with and I want to save this whole thing so typed it all and also sending it back to you also.
But as I analyzed your words they just put together a perfect puzzle.
I only have one question, when you said: "She was tough but could not deal with a lot of emotions as her own were so heavy. My head sure hurts a
lot" did you mean your own head as you were doing this for me, or her head that you were picking up?
Thank you again and God Bless
She had so much trauma that she was burnt out and when she felt any person around her with intense or strong energy it would crush her.
It was heavy and she had been broken.
She must of been an amazing healer as they are tested the most.
She wasn't looking back and had enough of this world.
She is fine.
Her guides laughed and said she was suppose to leave a long time ago but she chose to stay to be with you.
There is not shame there except what you believe to perceive.
It was her head that was hurting and mine did in a way that brings my attention to it but my head wasn't hurting.
Must go to my band practice now and don't give up yet life is just beginning for you as soon as you let love come inside you to your solar plexus and spleen. Just direct this energy of loving thoughts to these areas with your hand.
Your mothers guides will be there to assist with you.
She has chosen to do something different for now.
love and light. Kalawna